We all have many different types of relationships. Relationship Dynamics is the foundation for building strength, or collapsing into weakness, in our relationships. These include, romantic, parental, sibling, business, friendships, professionals, associates, and so on. There are a myriad of ways we experience relationship. Ultimately there are specific criteria to identify whether your Relationship Dynamics are R.E.A.L. or F.A.K.E.
After decades working intimately with clients to help them traverse the trials and tribulations of life’s up’s and down’s, I routinely look to decipher the expressions of the human psyche as a way to explain Relationship Dynamics. Here are some of the keys to determine if you are in a REAL or FAKE Relationship Dynamic.
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R.E.A.L. Relationship Dynamics
Responsibility is defined as the ‘state of being accountable’. Ultimately when you take responsibility for your role in your Relationship Dynamics, you manage your own emotions, reactions and actions. You do not blame or depend on any other person to take charge of the details of the health and well-being of the relationship dynamic you share. When you take responsibility, you have the ‘ability to respond’ to your needs and also, to the needs of whomever you are in that relationship with. When each person is responsible for their part, a synergy occurs in which one plus one has greater power than only two.
Evolutionary refers to the process of ‘ongoing development’. When your Relationship Dynamic is evolutionary it continues to grow and expand. Since our individual lives are in a constant state of flux, we want to be conscious that movement is in the direction of growth. Life is organic, and rarely static. We each participate in our own personal growth, and in the process of expanding from within, we bring a greater potential to the relationship we co-create together. In evolutionary Relationship Dynamics you embrace transformation and are inspired by progressive movement toward shared objectives.
Authentic is the ‘expression of your genuine self’. In Relationship Dynamics being authentic means you are truthful and real with how you know yourself and how you express yourself. Authentic Relationship Dynamics are grounded in substance and solidity. There is a certainty of constancy that who you are, is really who you are. The masks are off. You allow your selves to be vulnerable, knowing there is a freedom to be yourselves. You express integrity and sincerity. The pressure to pretend or put on pretense is dissolved and your true light shines through.
Loving refers to the ability ‘to deeply care for another person’. Loving also refers to the act of sustained caring for someone, even in tough and challenging times. Most people think they are loving to the people they feel they love. However, expressions of love are typically shared with someone in our life when they are demonstrating pleasing and supportive behavior, and withdrawn when we perceive difficulty. To truly be loving with others is to resist lapsing into distance and separation with those you share a Relationship Dynamic with, even in times when they are not only providing you with constant support and pleasing behavior.
F.A.K.E. Relationship Dynamics
Fantasy is defined as mental ‘imagining that is outside of reality’. We have all been exposed to the fairy tale of happily ever after and romantic movie endings. In Relationship Dynamics most people have an idea of how the relationship should be, could be and ought to be, which they compare to what their actual relationships is, and that creates a great deal of distress. In romantic relationships people often believe they are in love, when what they have actually done is fall in love with a fantasy of who they think or hope, another person is or will be, instead of who they truly are. Fantasy also plays a role in business, family and other Relationship Dynamics because we compare other people to a fantasy version of who, and how, we want them to be. Fantasy keeps you in a state of illusion, and is the lever arm of relationship nightmares. Fantasy is often at the crux of the greatest pains in Relationship Dynamics.
Accusatory is defined as ‘charging another to be at fault’. In a Relationship Dynamic, this means you’re constantly on the defense. You find yourself blaming the other person for anything that is not how you want it to be or think it should be. Whatever isn’t working is because of them. Ultimately, you’re disempowered to change anything in your relationship when you hold another responsible for what is. In accusatory mode, you are constantly on a high alert of stress looking for something to attack the other person about. This creates distance and a tremendous difficulty with communication, which is essential to the health of any Relationship Dynamic.
Kvetching is a real word, and refers to ‘chronically complaining’. It’s not easy finding a ‘k’ word. However, this one turns out to be apropos. When there is kvetching in a Relationship Dynamic you find yourself hypercritical of one another. Ultimately nothing is good enough and you are never truly okay with what you have. Instead of seeing what is right and working in the relationship, you are focused on what is wrong and seemingly unfixable. The kvetching makes it impossible for you, or any other else in the Relationship Dynamic to truly enjoy what you have with one another, and the dissatisfaction can impact every area of your life.
Emotional refers to the experience of an ‘affected state of consciousness’. Most people think being emotional in a Relationship Dynamic is desirable. However, nothing is less reliable as a source of strength in a relationship, than using your emotions as a gauge. Emotions are in constant flux and they are generally expressed irrationally. There is a difference between reactions of emotion and expressions of feelings. Feelings tend to be more balanced and are shared from a more inwardly aligned place. Ultimately, unless you are able to heal your emotional baggage and connect to true heart-felt feelings, you will be subject to the instability of relationship drama.
While no Relationship Dynamic is totally R.E.A.L. or totally F.A.K.E., I encourage you to use this information to give you a way to determine the power and solidity of any relationship you experience. ©2015 Dr Denise Nadler. All rights reserved
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Disclaimer: This information is not meant to constitute or imply any guarantee, results or outcomes. While determining who is right for this work and delivering your desired result is our intent, even with thousands of client success stories, results are individual. copyright ©1994-2015 Healing Integrations. All rights reserved.